By: Anuradha
If you are a male you would surely have so many female friends and if you are a female, the reverse can be expected. But, do you know that it has been found out that this relationship among male and females as just “friends” is quite problematic?
There was a time that, people were used to have a dimension between genders. Male were always there with males and females were always with females. They seek opposite sex, not to have friendly chats, but to marry and have kids. Any relationship between a male and a female was often defined in low light and therefore, a hard barrier existed between both the genders.
Today, most of these conventional ideas have been changed and we cannot see any such traits between people. We see people hang out freely no matter what the gender is and of course, this is good in a way. But, it has been found out that a friendly relationship between a man and a woman can hardly be totally innocent. This is not the ideal of society but our own mind acting on impulse.
The zen master, spiritual guru Osho gave us a very interesting explanation about why can’t a male and a female have just a friendly relationship. He says that there can never be a friendship between a jailor and a prisoner. Here, we have his words in details,
Marriage is an ugly institution invented by men for the sole purpose of monopolizing women. Reducing women to “things”, men have proceeded to treat them like a commodity itself. The one thing men forget is that by doing so they reduce themselves to that status too, for communication to take place both the parties should be on the same plane.
Marriage is an institution based on lofty lies. The only time we can be sure of is NOW, and marriages ask for a promise of your whole life. It asks you to be together and love and respect an individual till your dying breath. Citing the lore that marriages are made in heaven, this institution overlooks the possibility that there might not even be a heaven. Thus, we never try and look towards nature to find the actual solutions to our problem.
Biologically speaking, it’s completely natural to feel attracted to an attractive person. The fast heartbeats and flushed cheeks are simply a natural instinct. It’s a good enough feeling to make people believe that they would like to spend their lives with the person who caused it.
Practically, it’s impossible to remain attracted for the same person for a whole life time. But, marriage has made us abide to this rule; to be the same person till you die. It forces us to remain constant in order to please the social judgement.
It’s not the lovers lie when they declare that they can’t live without each other. The only thing to consider is that while their feelings are genuine, that genuinity and truth belong in the moment. People are never aware of the flow of life, the person who seems beautiful today might not look the same after a few years. Once this initial excitement and love wears off it becomes bondage.
This bondage leads people to cheat on their partners or else simply stop responding with any enthusiasm. It’s only natural, inherent in the human psyche. Whereas binding people in matrimony is an act that is unnatural to a great extent.
Friendship will be possible once people let go of these bonds, if and when they feel the love ebbing away, they should be free to say so and move on. Only when they will give equal respect to each other will the society be truly free of false ideals and wear its authentic colours.
Due to man’s efforts the society has become unnatural, to the extent that we have to answer to a court of law for our private affairs. This is another way of strengthening the ownership of one over the other. Marriages that become a burden could never raise better children. A child borne out of love would always be better bred than a child borne out of duty.
Absolute freedom should be granted to each individual for his/her life, which alone would lead to true friendship. Love is ever evolving, so when a person you love falls in love with someone else, bear it with a strong self. Your ego gets hurt, but don’t let it ruin your bond with that person.
If you truly love someone, don’t cling to them. Even if they go to someone else, be happy for them. They just might come back to you after getting a fresh perspective, and the same freedom is granted to you too.
We should enjoy life with no restrictions and man-made rules. When we start living it in its true essence, we’ll start appreciating the people around us, and that will lead to a true friendship.
